The One I Can Never Have
by jenstar0009
Summary: Kaoru loves Hikaru. Hikaru loves Kaoru too! Just not the same way Kaoru loves... Story set after High school. Hikaru and Haruhi are married. Kaoru is successful but will he ever get Hikaru's love...
1. Chapter 1

Ok I am new to this whole writing Fan fiction thing (I normally write poems, not stories). I love all parings even the craziest ones. I need lots of help from you guys like what you would like to see happing?? Ect.. Thanks a bunch!!!

**Disclaimer:** I DO NOT, although wish, own the host club and its characters.

And don't steal my poem cause I DO own that!!! Loves and hugs!

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"There's no telling how much I love you.

You… the one I can never have.

We've always been close and Time created the illusion "forever"

Until _She_ came along.

I worshiped her. I hated her.

I watched her closely searching for what you saw in her and so I became her "friend."

She told me things I didn't know, secret things that happened when it was just the "two of you".

Jealousy consumed my soul to the point of no return.

My feelings burst out like a suppressed, enraged lion.

To you, I explained my love. To you, I revealed my deepest passion.

Tears started to roll down my face as I whispered "Don't you love me too?"

You embraced me gently and softly spoke in my heart, whispering "I'm sorry."

Our eyes met and my heart crushed.

With the endless pain in my heart, I realized that you'll never love me the way I love you.

Rain accompanied my tears.

Thunder drowned out my cries.

Life in my heart was replaced with only darkness.

Saying goodbye was never easy, but Time's magic never fails

I found a new love. One who could love me back.

But I'll never forget you… the one I can never have."

Kaoru gracefully walked back to his seat as applause filled the room. "Thank you Kaoru-san for sharing one of your poems from your new book coming out next week," said the interviewer cheerfully.

"Thank you for having me here today, Kima-san." As the interviewer flipped her hair and bashed her eyelashes at Kaoru. He could only help but think, while smiling,_ some things never change._

The interviewer continued "and that's all the time we have today but ladies if you're to anxious wait for Kaoru-san's book there's always the Hitachiin fall line that just came out."

Kaoru gazed at his audience, bowed charmingly and responded "yes, the new line _**Panache**_ fall line just came out. I look forward to seeing you again. Now if you will excuse me."

As Kaoru walked out of the room he could hear all the girls' sighs and giggles. He turned to his assistant and asked "what's next?"

His assistant, thankfully a well-ground man, responded "your brother, Hikaru-san, called to confirm the newest design for _next_ year's fall line."

"Tell him I'll e-mail the designs" Hikaru, who was on his 5th year wedding anniversary with Haruhi in Milan, was still dedicated to his work of fashion design. "Anything else?" Kaoru continued as he got into his assistant's car.

"And to remind you of the Host club reunion next week."

Kaoru gasped as he remembered. _Of course how could he have forgotten! Tono's spontaneous idea of the host club reunion. _No wonder his been reminiscing about the host club lately. Some memories, he'll admit, are better than others.

_The host club was closed for the day. Hikaru, Kaoru, and Haruhi were in their second year. Hunny-senpai and Mori-senpai went on to study in Europe. Two first years became replacements for the lost hosts and the young boys brought their own twist to the "wild and __loli-shota__ type." Although Hunny-senpai and Mori-senpai did come and visit the Host club every one in a while. Kyoya-senpai always seemed brighter on those days probably because of the guest-attendance increase, or in shadow-king terms, profit increase. _

_Hikaru stood up abruptly and stated "Everyone I have something to say…" _

_Everyone turned their attention to Hikaru as he continued his words, after seeing a reassuring look from Haruhi. "Haruhi and I have decided to…to go out." Hikaru continued nervously._

_Kyoya started to type something in that laptop of his. Tono started screaming about how siblings shouldn't be together __**in that way**__ and how otousan wouldn't allow it. Kaoru just stared at Hikaru and Tono arguing, thinking "Now what am I going to do?"_

_Kaoru had recently come to terms with his feelings for his brother and decided that they were not just "brotherly love" feelings, but a deeper love. Although Kaoru knew that his love was forbidden and Hikaru did have feelings for a certain commoner, he just could help himself._

_Hikaru was everything Kaoru wasn't: bold, daring, stupid, short-tempered and perfect. They completed each other, they needed each other, or so he thought._

_As Kaoru glanced at Haruhi's content smile, a flicker of hatred and jealously aroused within him. But Kaoru did what he's done his entire life. Swallow his feelings, put on his fake smile, and catered to Hikaru. Well now Hikaru and his new… girlfriend._

"Sir?" Kaoru came back from his painful memories and turned to his assistant. "Hmm" he acknowledged. "Were approaching your house now. I suggest your rest early for tomorrow."

Kaoru responded, "Yeah ok I leaving now, have a nice evening." As Kaoru got out of his car and walk towards the front door of his house he thought _I'm gonna need a lot more than sleep to get through the next few weeks._


	2. Chapter 2

Hiya! Sorry this took so long. I had written the whole outline within the first month the first chapter was published. But then I did some cleaning on my computer and thought that I had deleted it. Then I lost interest. SORRY! But recently my mom came across my outline and asked what it was! Yay I didn't delete it! So my story is completely outlined. I know where I'm gonna go with this. So here's the second chapter…

**Disclaimer:** I DO NOT, although wish, own the host club and its characters.

_Oh and this means in the past._

This means in the present.

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"_Kaoru! Kaoru!"_

_Hikaru ran up to Kaoru before he lost Kaoru in the enormous crowd. School was just let out and Hikaru really wanted to go out with Haruhi._

"_Kaoru, can you tell the guys that Haruhi and I won't come to the host club today. I'm gonna take Haruhi somewhere." A mischievous smile creeps up Hikaru's face as he said this. _

_Haruhi and Hikaru have been going out for a couple months now. She has even already met their parents. Their mom had a field day seeing a girl and better yet __**going out**__ with Hikaru! Haruhi spent almost the entire day getting dressed up in various designs by the famous Hitachiin designer. Later in the day, the brothers lost Haruhi. She was "hiding" from the three overzealous family members/designers, when Hikaru finally found Haruhi. She was in one of their many living rooms, talking with their very quiet and timid father. Yes, things have been going very well for the young couple and everyone's been very happy for them… well everyone except Kaoru. _

"_Um… sure" Kaoru flashes a smile that would make any girl faint._

"_OK. Thanks bro. you're the best." Hikaru yells as he runs off to find Haruhi. _

_Brother?_

_Every time Kaoru sees Hikaru it's impossible to say that he's not irresistible but just like Hikaru said: Brother. Kaoru can't keep thinking about Hikaru that way. He almost forgot they were brothers… twins… but still… _

"_Kao-chan! Where's Hika-chan and Haru-chan?" Hunny asked Kaoru earnestly as soon as Kaoru walked through the door. Mori and Hunny have been coming by the host club more often to see Haruhi, after they found out about Haruhi's new boyfriend. _

"_Indeed where is Haruhi? Mind you, she still has a debt of 3,256,332 yen or has she already forgotten?" Kyouya-sempi has been very unapproachable __**every single time**__ Haruhi doesn't come to the host club because of Hikaru._

"_With Hikaru," he replied bluntly. _

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Moring came with loud music.

Kaoru's phone was ringing on his bedside. A grumbling figure in the bed started to move and a hand reached to silence the godforsaken noise.

"Hello" A voice said with a grumble.

"Kaoru babe, Wake up! You're suppose to be at the office right now. You're late!"

"Natsumi, it's my office. I can go in whenever I want."

"But still! We have a lunch date today and you always cancel when you got to work late."

"Fine just let me go and I'll be there soon"

"Yay! Thanks hon you're the best. Bye!"

Kaoru, now awake, looked around his room. Clothes from yesterday were thrown on the floor carelessly. Sketch ideas for a future line and poem drafts were scattered on Kaoru's desk. And an empty whiskey bottle sat on his bedside.

He had drank when he got home previously and went in search of alcohol. Hence, an empty bottle. _Just the mention of the Host Club made me think about old memories. Memories I would like to forget._

Kaoru's cell buzzed, delivering a text. _Probably __Natsumi telling me to wake up, again._

Natsumi Saizawa was Kaoru's devoted "girlfriend." As Natsumi likes to say. They met at a fashion show for the Hitachiin Line. Natsumi was a friend of a guest who decided to bring her along. Kaoru didn't particularly prefer Natsumi over any of the other girls who were throwing themselves at him but there was her eyes. She had the same amber eyes as Kaoru or more importantly: Hikaru. There was also little things about Natsumi that drew Kaoru in. However, Kaoru could never put his finger on it…

Kaoru's phone buzzed again. Fearing the wrath of Natsumi, Kaoru quickly got dressed and went off to work.

Days in the office were relatively peaceful. Even more so when Hikaru was gone. When both the Hitachiin twins were present, the office was in chaos. Women giggling every time they see the "godlike" forms that were the Hitachiins. Women went so far as to say that God made one so perfect that he had to create another.

But Kaoru, alone, was naturally clam and collective. Not the crazy, flamboyant air that Hikaru had whenever he walked into a room.

The difference in Hikaru and Kaoru was never noticeable to anyone before Haruhi came. She changed them. But the gap between to two men became even more noticeable when Hikaru started to go out with Haruhi. Kaoru never liked it.

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"_Kaoru?"_

"_Hmm…"_

"_Do you think Haruhi will like this?"_

_Kaoru briefly gazes at the sketch and turns his attention back at the TV. _

"_Yeah sure"_

"_Really? I don't know. Haruhi keeps talking about she doesn't need any clothes and how she likes her 'commoners clothing'. That it's cost-efficient and comfortable…or whatever. But how can anything she owns be so comfortable when it looks like that? "_

"_hmyh" Kaoru replied. All Hikaru talks about is Haruhi. Never "Kaoru what's up?" or "hey LONG time no see." _

_Sure they "see" each other but they never spend any time together like they used to. Haruhi sometime invites him along. But that's just it: ALONG. He doesn't want to be along he wants to be alone. Alone with his one and only Hikaru._

"_And so I've decided to take up making clothes for her. I'm gonna surprise her with all of my designs. She'll be so happy. Then I'll take her out to dinner and…"_

"_Shut up! Damn. Is Haruhi the only thing you can talk about? Haruhi this and Haruhi that why can't you talk about something else for a change!"_

_Kaoru stormed out of the room leaving a bewildered twin._

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_The Next Day…_

"_Kao-chan is having difficulties coping with his brother's relationship, ne?" Hunny asked Mori._

"_Ah"_

"_Hika-chan still can't see it, ne?"_

"_Ah"_

"_And Haruhi is stuck in the middle, ne?"_

"_Ah"_

"_Are Kao-chan and Hika-chan ok?"_

"_Will see"_

_At the Host Club there was some major tension building around the Hitachiin Brothers. The Browned haired one, with Tamaki's loud protests, was sitting with Haruhi. The other, the red head was sitting on the other side of the room, next to Kyoya, paying an uncommonly amount of attention to the typing of the keys on Kyoya's laptop. _

"_Your"_

"_Excuse me?"_

"_Crying over what's been done never helped anyone"_

_Kaoru gave Kyoya a shred look. He was about to angrily reply back when Tamaki interrupted them._

"_Mother. Tell our children they are forbidden to be soooo close. I need to have time with my daughter too!"_

_Kyoya's attention turned to Tamaki to help remedy the situation. Their voices drowned out o Kaoru's head as he replayed Kyoya's words: you're not helping your situation by sitting here and moping. _

_So Kyoya knows my feelings, huh. I guess Hikaru is the only blind one. _

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Reviews Please. You don't know how much they motivate me. And any helpful suggestions for improving my writing is appreciated. Even though the outline is finished, the story isn't written out yet so REVIEW! And give me some cookies… hehe…


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